Smoking and Kipping
by HollyHop
Summary: When Ace turns up again with his lightbee shot to pieces, Lister has to decide whether to let Rimmer go save the universe and become a hero, or finally tell him about his feelings and make him stay. Pre-Slash.
1. Chapter 1

When Ace turns up again with his lightbee shot to pieces, Lister has to decide whether to let Rimmer go save the universe and become a hero, or finally tell him about his feelings and make him stay.

Out of necessity NOT within the actual storyline of Series 7

Rated K for pre-slash

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own the boys, nor do I make any money out of this.

Smoking and kipping

"Yes," Rimmer's voice was tinged with resentment, "We're ALL so glad you're back."

He crossed his arms in front of his chest and sneered at his Alter Ego. He lifted his chin pointing it at Lister, who was standing next to him.

"Especially your little girlfriend here."

"Don't listen to 'im, Ace," Lister chipped in, "'Ow've you bin?" What 'ave you bin up to?" His face cracked into a genuine smile. His heart had jumped up and started racing around in his chest the minute he'd seen it was Ace returning to them, but he wouldn't give Rimmer the satisfaction of knowing about that unimportant little detail. In fact, he hadn't really known about it either, until he'd felt the fizz of adrenalin that came with the thought of seeing Ace again. Only then did he realise, that maybe his feelings were slightly more heated up than he'd thought they were. And now Rimmer was ruining the day again with his jealousy.

Lister quickly tried to pull Ace away from the others and get to talk to him alone. But of course Kryten and Cat also wanted to know all about his past adventures and so they sat down together in Starbug's belly with the ship on Autopilot letting Ace tell the stories. Rimmer, not wanting to leave the field to Ace without a fight, sat down with them, sporting a bored look on his face, pretending not to be interested in the slightest. From time to time Lister' eyes flickered over him, on the one hand wishing he'd go away and on the other for him to just lighten up a bit.

'Maybe he could be more like Ace, if he tried.' Lister thought. 'Maybe, we could get him to like himself more and then … well, he could be not just good-looking, but also fun to be with.' Lister shook his head at the thought. 'Yeah, like Cat would throw away all of his suits and Kryten would become a rebel.' His eyes tried to focus back on Ace and he realised that his friend was looking straight at him, a small smile in the corner of his lips. Then Ace returned his gaze to Cat and told him about that new tailor he'd acquired on Ganymede.

'What if Ace did fancy him? Like Rimmer was constantly insinuating?' Lister knew that his feelings for Ace were strong, but what if he wasn't the only one? What if Ace shared his feelings? He'd have to talk to him alone.

Later that night Lister and Ace were sitting at the table in the OPS room to chat, while Kryten and Rimmer were manning the cockpit and Cat was having one of his frequent naps.

"Listen, Dave," Ace lit himself another cigarette. "I always thought my bread was buttered on one side only, but for you, I'd have made an exception." He sucked the smoke in and then looked down into Lister's astonished face.

"Then why don't you." Lister tried to sound flippant and casual, but felt as if he was on fire.

"It's not my place." Ace shook his head in regret.

"What do you mean?" Lister was slightly bewildered.

"It's not my place." Ace repeated and then nodded his head towards the cockpit. "It's his."

"What Rimmer?" Now this was ridiculous. Why did Ace bring Rimmer into this?

"It's him you truly want. Not me."

Lister drew in a sharp breath. He had never allowed himself to follow that train of thought. He knew that sometimes he didn't think Rimmer was quite so terribly annoying anymore. And when Ace had first turned up, he had realised how incredibly attractive he thought this man was. And not just that. How brave and funny and how selflessly heroic. But that was just Ace. Rimmer was none of those things. Not even close. And he had never felt attracted to him. Never. Well, okay, maybe once or twice he had found himself checking him out, but that was all. They shared quarters, there was nothing strange about checking out the guy you spent every bloody day with. It was just curiosity. Normal. Didn't mean he had feelings for him.

"I bloody do not." He tried to sound honestly repulsed, but didn't quite manage.

"Maybe you are not aware of it, yet. But believe me, you'll figure it out. And as for our darling Rimmer," Ace tried to disguise a tinge of sarcasm, but failed, "judging from his galloping jealousy towards me and the constant snide remarks about us, I can promise you that he is certainly experiencing some of the same emotions. Knowing him, he will most likely never admit it, least of all to himself. But believe me, Dave, his place is by your side. And by the way you look at him, I can tell that yours is by his."

"So, you and Spanners? Are you - I mean, were you together?" Lister asked out of curiosity.

"No, I'm Ace. Arnold and I live different lives. We've turned into different branches of the same tree. One day we simply grew into opposite directions."

"So, do you hate what he's become?" Looking over at Ace hoping the answer would be no.

"I used to." Ace sighed. "I hated to see myself so warped, so full of self-loathing. But then I started to see him the way you do. And I began to notice the good in him. He deserves to be loved. And you are obviously meant to love him. I saw many other parallel universes on my journeys and in most of them the two of you were an item."

"You're 'avin'me on. Please tell me you're 'avin' me on!" Lister was staring at Ace, unable to grasp what he'd just revealed.

Ace slowly shook his head and Lister knew he was telling the truth. Had known it since their conversation started. Had known it even before. Ace was only a catalyst. Lister had been smitten with him ever since he'd first turned up, but Ace wasn't real life. Ace was a myth, a mirage. Arnold was real and he was the one he truly wanted. Lister's shoulders sagged. Now the question remained of how to get it beaten into that thick skull of his.

While Lister was still trying to get his head around the fact that he was indeed in love with Rimmer, he heard a sound behind them. They both turned to find said Rimmer standing in the hatchway. 'Had he heard?' Lister's heart sank. The three of them stared at each other for a few seconds, unable to say anything. Then Rimmer broke the silence.

"I'm sorry to disturb you two lovebirds there, but Kryten thinks Ace is needed in the cockpit. Nothing I couldn't handle myself, actually, but obviously I'm not wanted anymore, since the Hero-of-all-universes is here now." Rimmer crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked down the steps at them with disdain.

Ace threw Lister a pitying look, as if to say how sorry he was about him having to live with that annoying scumbag, then got up and walked up the steps, past Rimmer, through the hatchway and into the cockpit. Turning back towards Lister, Rimmer scowled.

"What were you two sticking your heads together about, then. Have you been making plans to get rid of me? Or are you going to join him, when he leaves? Become his Mistress?" He flopped down dejectedly onto the chair Ace had just vacated. Again Lister noticed how much alike they were and how much they weren't. Relieved he noted that Rimmer had obviously not caught a word of what they'd been talking about before he came in.

"We weren't talking about you at all." He lied. "Ace just told me about some of the stuff he saw and did on his trips through the other universes." And so he had. 'Him and me?' Lister thought confused, 'how's that ever gonna work?'

They sat in silence for a while, until Ace returned, having navigated Starbug through a very tight spot in an asteroid belt.

"Well, I know Kryten absolutely insisted on me helping him out, but I can tell you, he could have done it on his own - blindfolded. Excellent pilot that man. Sorry, Arnie, he shouldn't have pushed you aside like that." And he clapped a hand on Rimmer's shoulder. Lister looked up at the two of them. Ace the handsome, brave, streetwise hero and Rimmer – his selfconscious, cowardly, ill-tempered, childish twin. His eyes rested on Rimmer, who was scowling at the floor. Rimmer, who had so many flaws and was yet so wonderfully perfect, even at his worst. Rimmer, who had become his companion, his friend, his partner in crime. He looked up at Ace again, who looked straight back at him, understanding glowing in his eyes.

"Well," he said, "I have to go polish my boots. I'll see you guys in the morning." And with a conspiratory wink at Lister, he disappeared into the back where the sleeping quarters were. Lister's eyes followed Ace out through the door and when he turned back to the table, he met Rimmer's gaze, sporting something very much akin to pain. Maybe telling his friend about his feelings for him wouldn't bring about disaster after all.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Cat was doing the first nightshift manning the cockpit and Kryten had just gone on downtime. Lister wondered where Ace had got to. He hadn't seen him the entire evening. He was sure that polishing one's shoes wasn't that lengthy an affair. Of course he knew Ace deliberately avoided the two of them, so that Lister could have alone-time with Rimmer. The only problem was that Lister didn't want alone-time with Rimmer right now. He knew, he would have to talk to him sometime soon, but that sometime soon didn't have to be right now, did it? He might as well wait until Ace was gone. And besides, Rimmer was obviously avoiding him, too. He had been gone for hours now. Just as Lister decided to go to bed, he heard footsteps in the corridor and a few seconds later Rimmer rounded the corner into their sleeping quarters. He looked distraught.

"Hey, you alright there?" Lister looked at his friend, who didn't seem to be able to focus on him.

"What?" Rimmer furrowed his brow "Yes, yes, I'm alright." He was kneading his lower lip with his fingers.

"Listen," Rimmer now managed to focus his eyes on his crewmate. "I've just been talking to Ace," Lister shuddered slightly. What did Ace tell him? Did he tell him about the parallel universes and the Rimmers and Listers he'd met? About how many of them were lovers?

"He, erm, he wants me to take over from him. Being Ace. His lightbee is damaged beyond repair and he won't last much longer." Here Rimmer looked up into Lister's eyes. They stared at each other in shock for a few seconds.

"He wants YOU to become Ace?" Lister couldn't fathom the thought.

Rimmer nodded. Silence stretched between them like chewing gum. Lister was the first to snap it.

"Will you do it?" He held his breath without noticing.

Rimmer shrugged.

"How can I? I'm not a pilot, I'm not a fighter. I know nothing about adventuring or dimension jumping. I can't do what he's doing." Rimmer shook his head. Lister noticed that he didn't say anything about not wanting to leave. Nothing about how he would miss them. Miss him. Lister shook his head and let out the breath he'd been holding.

"And I don't think I'd want to leave you behind." Rimmer's voice was only just above a whisper right now. Lister's head snapped up again. They stood ten feet apart, watching each other like rivalling lions, waiting for the first wrong move.

"I don't think I'd want you to go." Lister was adressing the table now. He couldn't see Rimmer's reaction, but felt awkward standing around like this. Forcing himself to look back up at Rimmer, he knew he'd probably gone too far. But Rimmer was also looking at the table.

"Ace told me." His words came out hoarsely, but Lister knew what they meant. Damn that sneaky bastard. He knew Ace had meant well, but he'd made it impossible for them to go on like they had before. Now they'd have to make a decision. Lister felt his natural antagonism rising.

"Only because some of the others are together, doesn't mean WE 'ave to be. We're all different, y'know." Lister got worked up, pacing up and down the room, trying to avoid the inevitable. Not the question of fate, but the question of what he truly wanted.

"We're all individuals. There's no inescapable galactic fate or anythin'." Reaching the door he looked back at Rimmer, who was still studying the exact texture of the table in front of him. Lister could see that Rimmer's back was slightly hunched and his ears had flushed red again, like they would whenever he got agitated or embarrassed.

"It doesn't mean we have to, y'know, do anythin'." There, he'd said it. Rimmer turned slowly towards him and steadied himself on the table behind him with his hands.

"Would you WANT to?" Rimmer's voice was calm now, but with an almost untraceable undertone. Lister stood by the door half wanting to step across the threshold and run away, half wanting to turn back and hug his friend.

"Nah." He turned to face Rimmer, who had frozen were he stood. "Let's just leave it."

He looked over at his bunkmate, whose eyes had narrowed slightly. Lister was now leaning with his back against the doorframe, trying for casual indifference.

"Do you want to?" Rimmer asked with a much more serious twist to it. Lister's eyes searched for an answer on the floor but couldn't find one. He shrugged non-committally, as if this question meant nothing to him. As if this question hadn't opened fire within his chest like a battalion of musketeers. He could feel rather than see Rimmer moving a couple of steps towards him. They were now only two feet apart. Then Rimmer took another step. One step that meant the difference between asking a question and asking for a decision.

Lister shrugged again.

"Dunno, man. Do you?"

He didn't even have to wait for an answer to this question, because asking it already meant he had put his cards on the table. Now it was Rimmer's turn to show his hand. Lister stubbed his foot against the floor, as if trying to get rid of something invisible that had got stuck there. Then he felt Rimmer's breath on his cheek and soft lips touching his skin. Their bodies stood so close, they could feel each other shivering slightly upon contact, although Lister thought he was more likely to combust. He turned his face up to look Rimmer in the eyes and suddenly their lips were only inches apart. The other man's breath on his skin was warm and quickened. Lister leaned forward just enough to not quite kiss but simply touch his friend's lips with his own. A lightning bolt almost split him in half. All his thoughts were blown clear out of his mind. Then he felt the pressure of Rimmer's lips against his own and he knew that there was no going back now. Before he knew it, his hands were on Rimmer's back, pressing the other man against his own body. Rimmer's hands were now touching his face and he leaned his cheek against the palm that was gently caressing his skin. He almost started to laugh then, because this situation was ridiculous, wasn't it? His head couldn't work it out. It was like going into emotional hyperspeed. He could have laughed like a maniac right now. He was kissing Rimmer, holding him in his arms and what's more, he wanted to, he wanted it so badly, had been wanting it for months, that now he couldn't deal with the rush of adrenalin and joy and fear it brought along. But the feeling of Rimmer's embrace washed all of that away.

His lips parted. He wasn't sure if Rimmer would understand, but immediately felt his friend's lips open as well to deepen their kiss.

'At least he's not completely inexperienced,' Lister thought, putting a mental stop to grinning again. Their tongues moved against each other gently, enjoying the softness of the kiss. Lister still stood with his back to the doorframe, with Rimmer's body pressed up against his. Rimmer's hands were now running down his sides and he could feel himself rising quickly. Lister decided to break the kiss in favour of moving over to the bed. Pulling off one shoe after the other, he hopped towards the bunk. Rimmer took off his uniform jacket and slipped down his braces. Lister almost jumped towards him again, not wanting to miss pulling Rimmer's shirt over his head and making the unruly hair stand on end. They smiled at each other when the shirt came off and destroyed the careful side parting.

Lister could feel Rimmer hesitating now, being rather overwhelmed by the situation. Trying to make him feel at ease, he took Rimmer's hand in his own, running a finger gently across the top. They stood like this for a moment. Then Lister pulled the hand towards him, placing its palm against his lips and kissing it. That made the hesitation in Rimmer's eyes disappear and replaced it with fire. They scrambled into the bunk together already kissing again. Lister running his hands across Rimmer's chest and down his sides. He remembered seeing that body before, catching glimpses here and there, but lying almost on top of him now, was something entirely different. It made him ache to get even closer. To melt into him. To make Rimmer a part of himself.

With Rimmer's help, Lister struggled out of his long johns and then they lay facing each other. Lister stark naked and Rimmer with his underpants still on, looking at each other. Running their eyes like fingers down each other's bodies. Letting their feelings bleed onto the sheets. Neither of them had any experience in being with another man. Lying almost naked in bed together they had come to a crossroads.

Lister found it nearly impossible to speak, after having said everything he had wanted to say to his friend in his kisses. What else was there?

Rimmer found his voice first.

"I've … never …" He couldn't bring himself to say any more.

Lister pulled his roommate, his friend, his lover, his love, closer.

"We'll figure it out." And a smile lit up first his face and then Rimmer's.


End file.
